Well hello, my little blog. It's been a very, very long time.

I was listening to a song this morning that kind of got me thinking.

Some days you just breathe in

Just try to break even

Sometimes your heart's

Poundin' out of your chest

Sometimes it's just beatin'

Some days you just forget

What all you've been given

Some days you just get back

Yeah, some days you're just alive

Some days you're livin'

I've been wondering.... Have I been living?

I don't feel like I have. I think I have been caught up in the rat race, kind of just getting by to pay the bills.

Lately, I have been taken a good long look at what I have. I am so grateful for my life. I have the best damn husband and kids. I always seem to have what I need.

I'm trying to understand why I am not happy. I know what it is, it's my job. I do enjoy moving up and getting recognition but it is not fulfilling in any way anymore. I don't know if it ever was. In fact, it is that kind of soul-sucking job that it ends up taking the joy out of the things that would normally bring me happiness.

So the question is what am I going to do about it? Yeah, I don't know. I'm not quite there.

I have several friends that are in the same boat as me. I see them making the leap, looking for that happiness. I am so excited for them. I hope they find what they are looking for.

I feel the need to take baby steps. I'm trying to find that balance where my work doesn't interfere with my home life. I've started spending more time with my husband and kids. I've dedicated one weekend out of the month for them. When I think of it like that, only one weekend it makes me upset that that is all I can do. That is all I am allowed to do with this job.

I want more of those, heart pounding out of your chest kind of days.

moving

We've moved to.... http://thekochkids.blog.com

I was looking at some photos of my parents house today.  Michael was watching me and he goes "You miss them don't you?"
"Very much." I said
Then he said, "When you are sad it makes my heart hurt."
God I love that little boy!

A little laugh

True story…. This morning I noticed my children have been on the computer way too much.  So, I declared it a no computer day for them.  Anyway they are running around the house and I hear Michael say “Hey, I was playing with that!”  And Nicole replies with “We are playing on multiplayer!”  A few minutes later Nicole goes “Michael, your dead now.”  Then he says, “No I’m NOT, I just logged out!”

bowling fun

Last night a bunch of us got together to go bowling right after school.  Well,  for the kids to go bowling and the moms to hang out and chat.  Michael was so funny.  The balls where just o heavy for him.  Every time he swung the ball he would just fall on the floor after he released it.  There was one girl Lily, that was just too cute.  Every time it was her turn to bowl she would roll it but it took forever for it to get half way down the lane and then someone would have to come and get the ball for her.  After awhile we had other kids help her push the ball down the lane so it would at least make it all the way down.